I Have Had it With These Mothertrucking Earwigs in My Mothertrucking Tent!

As some of you may know, I have been living out of a tent for the past two months. I have access to a house, but do not sleep there because in all honesty, sleeping in a tent is much easier than sleeping in the house. It is cooler and more refreshing to sleep in the outside air, and I never have any problems with loud noises when people are moving around the house (except when my neighbours are partying). This is quite important because I go to sleep at around nine every night, well before the rest of my family, and wake up at five in the morning to go to work (I know, barf!).

But there is one thing that does bother me: earwigs. I HATE earwigs. But perhaps, hate is too strong a word, and abhor or detest might work slightly better in this instance. Normally, I do not mind bugs, but earwigs are the exception to that rule. Just their name rings of grossness. Who likes a bug that associates itself with ears and wigs? Probably only a snobby, old British man. Their name also has another meaning for me, being once told that earwigs like to crawl into your ears when you sleep. *Shiver*.

Anyways, there are many earwigs that inhabit the outside of my tent, but thankfully very few that inhabit the inside. They seem to have formed a breeding ground between the window flap and the outside of the tent. Every night before I go to sleep, and every morning when I wake up, I see these earwig clumps, just a mass of gross, crunchy bugs in the aforementioned area. I take a lot of delight in knocking on the tent walls and making them all fall down, but to my chagrin, they always come back.

Their anatomy is another thing that makes them so disgusting. The pair of pincer-like appendages coming out of their rear, screams of something they would use to torture small children with. And I can imagine that they can usually use that to bury deep inside one's ear, searching for the gray matter that they will lay their eggs in. *Queue shiver*. The problem is, those appendages are really the only really gross thing about them. The rest of the body is very similar to other insects, save the tumor that is coming out of their butt.

So there you have it. My opinion on the disgusting creature that is the earwig. And if you did not find earwigs too disturbing before, you probably will now! No need to thank me.

-AFR